Cucumbers and Lightbulbs
by RedAlert98
Summary: Wally and Robin have a competition of who can come up with the best pick up line...Humor, Friendship, Rated T for safety and some innuendos, no slash


"I'm not really a big fan of math," Wally piped up, interrupting the near silence which had consisted of the sound of keyboards being tapped, pages being turned, and the occasional sniffle.

It was a relatively slow afternoon at the Cave with the whole team present; everyone was either working on homework, or at least pretending to be.

"Hm?" Robin looked up from where he was sitting directly across from Wally at the kitchen table. Connor took up a third chair at the table, while Kaldur sat stoically on a couch and the two girls were sprawled across the floor, their study area a mess.

"I said, I'm not a big fan of math," Wally repeated to Robin, "In fact, the only number I'm interested in is yours."

Robin's brow furrowed, confused; "You already have like, every number and means of contacting…wait. Is that a _challenge_?"

The speedster smirked. All the other teens wore expressions of confusion, aside from Artemis. She had witnessed one of these interactions before. Actually, it was more like a competition. A stupid, corny, and possibly dirty, competition.

"If four plus four equals eight then you plus me equals fate," Wally said quickly.

Robin slapped his hand down on the table and rose up a little from his seat, responding, "Are you a bank loan cause you have all my interest."

"Are you a 45 degree angle cause you're _perfect_," Wally retorted.

"Are you a square number, cause my love for you is exponential."

Every counter response was said with more and more aggression as they kept rapid firing pick up lines, providing the rest of the teens fantastic entertainment and distraction from schoolwork.

It took Wally a second, but he was able to spout off, "My love for you is like pi, it's never-ending."

"Our love is like dividing by zero, you _cannot define it_," Robin responded, not missing a beat.

Wally looked around, then growled in frustration. "Fine! Round 1 is yours, holidays next: I go first! Let's save Santa the trip and be naughty this year."

A few eyebrows raised as M'gann, Connor, Kaldur, and Artemis watched the two best friends like one watched a tennis volley. This was probably a much better show, however.

Not missing a beat, Robin said "Can I take a picture of you so I can show Santa exactly what I want for Christmas?"

Someone, probably M'gann, slightly 'awwed' at this. Artemis was preparing for things to take a turn.

"How about I slip past your chimney half past midnight?"

Aaaand here it starts.

"Believe me, if you ever saw it you'd say it glows."

"So what?" Artemis wondered out loud.

"You know, I'd love to show you the toys my elves make for adults."

Oh, it looked like they were pulling all stops. Artemis considered covering M'gann's ears at this point, but it couldn't get much worse. Right?

"_My_ best toy runs on batteries."

…

"…It's a remote control car, Artemis!"

Should have definitely covered the ears of the innocents. Artemis knew Kaldur was regretting not shielding Connor's ears as well.

"Wally, your turn!"

"If you're left leg was Thanksgiving and your right leg was Christmas could I visit you in between holidays?"

"ALLLRIGHT I'm ending it there, Wally wins this round so it's a tie!" Artemis interjected, sending very judgmental glares at the two offending youths.

"Fine, but we need a tiebreaker round!" Robin challenged.

"Yeah," Wally agreed, "We each get one more line!"

Grumbling, Artemis reluctantly agreed for the sake of getting this cringe fest over with. Even though she did find it funny.

"I'll go first," Robin volunteered, very smug in his assurance of winning, "What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One's a Goodyear and one's a great year!"

Wally followed up with, "What's the difference between hungry and horny? Where you stick the cucumber!"

While a few people picked their jaws up off the floor, Artemis noticed Connor on Google before he unexpectedly spoke up.

In his trademark deadpan tone, the half kryptonian said, "What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?"

Stunned into silence, the room did not respond.

"You can unscrew a lightbulb."

* * *

Oh my gosh, CONNOR! Lmao

Sorry if this is a little dirty compared to what I usually write, but I thought it was funny :) And come on, they're teenagers...you know the team got up to a lot worse than this! XD

I found most of these pick up lines on tik tok from users callmelaneyg and bethanie . durant

Also - Who Won?!


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